Psychotic P***y Podcast
Just two sisters discussing women’s mental and physical health. It's not only our hobby, but our careers. We want to shed light on important topics & teach people new things every episode.
Psychotic P***y Podcast
Navigating Nut Allergies: Parenting Challenges and Societal Adaptability
What happens when a school decides to go nut-free, sparking a heated debate in Barnegat, New Jersey? Join us as we navigate the turbulent waters of modern parenting, celebrating the adorable one-month milestone of our little co-host, Theo, while tackling the anxieties that come with raising children in today’s world. As a doctor and therapist, we confront the serious misconceptions about allergies, emphasizing the vital need to prioritize children's health and safety over mere convenience.
Exploring the rise of nut allergies since the late 1990s, we pull back the curtain on global approaches to managing these concerns, drawing fascinating parallels with Israel's early peanut exposure methods. While acknowledging the inconveniences faced in public spaces like airplanes, we stress the importance of societal adaptability and empathy in creating a safer world for our children. Our discussion aims to enlighten listeners on the necessity of proactive measures and the growing trend of allergy awareness in various environments.
In the final segment, we share the raw realities of parenting a newborn, from disrupted sleep patterns to the sweet chaos of adjusting to life with baby Theo. It’s a journey filled with challenges and unexpected joys, as we learn to balance our personal identities with the demands of parenthood. We delve into the importance of maintaining a supportive partnership, carving out personal time, and ensuring that as parents, we not only nurture our children but also ourselves. Join us for practical tips and heartfelt reflections that underscore the transformative power of parenthood.
Disclaimer: This podcast represents the opinions of Dr. Bridget Melton, MD and licensed therapist Marissa Volinsky, MS, LPC, NCC. The contents of our podcast and website should not be taken as medical advice. The contents of our podcast and website are for general informational purposes only, and are not intended to diagnose, treat, prevent, or cure any condition or disease or substitute for medical advice. Always seek the advice of your physician, mental health professional, or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or treatment and before starting or discontinuing treatment.
If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts or a crisis, please reach out immediately to the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 or text HOME to the Crisis Text Line at 741741. These services are free and confidential.
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hello and welcome to psychotic beep podcast. We're so excited to be with you here today. Um, this is probably like what.
Speaker 1:Episode nine, season two maris, yeah, yeah we have this one and one more for the season two.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, today is also my son, theo's, one month birthday. One month, one little month. We wouldn't deal, okay. Disclaimer, guys. I am currently burping him. See that? Yeah, um, he is eating. He's almost done eating, though, so you will hear some noises that we cannot edit out. You'll hear like little baby grunts. I know what you're thinking. Why can't Ted feed him? So my husband has, I don't know, completely screwed up his neck and he's using merciful, had some good treatments. He's using all of them like around the clock, but he fed him this morning and every movement was like ugh and I was like, okay, can I like help you?
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:So I was like I don't want to like leave him where God forbid I can't help him reach something and he'll just be like trapped like this, like so I'm feeding him while ted takes some more pills, a leave and relaxes a bit. So you're gonna hear some noises that we can't edit out and I do apologize, but we're happy to be here with you and we're so excited that the ocean month and we're talking about some interesting parent heavy topics about, like anxiety, parenthood, um, and some hot topics we saw on the news, so we're going to dive right in Marissa, kick us off.
Speaker 1:So I just want to say welcome Theo to the podcast, our guest star today. Yay, first TV's podcast. Wow, he beat us all. I mean he's impressive at a month old already on a podcast.
Speaker 2:Seriously, what a go-getter.
Speaker 1:Go-getter Jerry would be so proud of her grandson.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, we're going to dive into a lot of topics today. First, the article we saw was on Jersey Shore Online and it was titled School Changes Rule to Protect Kids with a Nut Allergy. The reason why we wanted to discuss this is because this actually was an article based off of a school near me. So I live in Barnegat, New Jersey, and this was the barnagot school in the area. What happened was parents have a kid with severe allergy to nuts, so bad that the article quoted the mom saying how they realized it was. They wasn't like the babysitter, right, a babysitter noticed. And it wasn't even like he ingested it. That's how bad it was. It was like he was kissed his toddler brother kissed him and he had a reaction.
Speaker 1:And it was really bad, like like they had to go to the ER. This isn't like, okay, let's give them, you know, some Benadryl? No, no, no, Like he could have died. So they kindly brought this to the school's attention and now the school is thinking about having a nut free policy to be safe for all kids and just saying, like, listen, like we live in a time where we have so many nut free alternatives and things that taste just like peanut butter. That really isn't that. We don't really need to bring real peanut butter to school anymore to keep the kids happy. So, like, let's just stick to alternatives. Or even if your kids don't even like peanut butter at all, pack something else.
Speaker 1:Well, as with anything in life, this got backlash and when me and Bridget were reading this article, we were really just taken aback as professionals especially Bridget being a doctor because some of the comments were just nonsensical. Honestly, I couldn't believe they actually wrote this in print for people to actually see, because, again, you can't take this back, people screenshot, even if you delete it. But let me, let me read one of what I was talking about and you guys can see and see from our perspective why we were kind of like wincing and being like, oh good Lord. So one person on Facebook in the Bar to Get Chatter, wrote the whole nut free school policy that the school is doing is ridiculous. These kids can't be coddled. They need to learn how to control their allergy. All these soft kids. Bridget was cringing because control your allergy is not a thing and, as I'm sure any of our listeners know, because we all know you're all educated and smart and kind.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, and also again, this is a severe reaction. Not the kid needed Benadryl for some itchy patches like he almost died. His throat was closing. I, just as a mother, my feel is that if your kid could die from it, I have no problem. I have no problem. I have no problem giving an alternative. It doesn't bother me. What kind of got me thinking, you know, as a therapist, like what? Why is this woman so angry that she decided these kids are soft and should control their allergy? Bridget, what's your thoughts?
Speaker 2:The whole control your allergy thing. Obviously we know that is not possible. It's an overreaction your immune system has to a stimulus that maybe it shouldn't. But fine, I just don't understand, because we live in this world where Marissa, what like every daycare that you looked at was nut free, pretty much Like daycares have already been nut free for probably the last five, 10 years, like that's normal. Because they're so young, obviously they can't speak for themselves and be like I have a nut allergy, so nut free school, nuts free zones, like all this is very normal.
Speaker 2:So it's just kind of like, where do you live, lady, that you think like this is some like a novel experience, and also like you would be saying something so different if it was your child. And maybe you have a child with, like an allergy and you say, oh, just send them to school with an epi pen, right, okay, but they're so young that they don't fully understand that nuts, tree nuts, are in almost everything. You need to be able to read the label, all the fine print processed in a facility that has nuts like, and kids don't have that capability. They don't understand that like nuts touch almost everything manufactured. So I mean, god forbid someone offers something homemade, let's say, and yeah, it might not have nuts in it, but what if the kid ate a peanut butter sandwich right before that? And now the counter had nut contamination. You just don't know.
Speaker 2:And these kids can't speak for themselves. Like you know, be very discerning like adults are. Like you know, be very discerning like adults are. So it's just wild to think like, yeah, I'd rather let a child go into anaphylactic shock in school than just not send my kid to school with, like, a peanut butter sandwich.
Speaker 1:I agree. Also, like some of the comments were like well, my kid's a picky eater. All he eats is peanut butter sandwiches. What am I supposed to do now? And to that I will say the article is pretty spot on when they say there's so many alternatives that taste the same. Now, because I obviously know from daycare, sending me the sheet of the list of stuff, and they're readily available in your groceries. You don't have to go to a special grocery store for them. You could have the pb protein that you make, you could have wow, butter, sunflower butter so many that it's just like I don't understand why you're giving the school a hard time. Okay, so your kid only likes peanut butter sandwiches. Then switch them to one that tastes the closest to him, that he likes, him or her, I should say. And then there you go, problem solved. I really don't understand why these parents are freaking out. It's like they've never been told no before.
Speaker 2:Preparation is key for things like this, like if the school is giving you advanced notice and saying you need to find an alternative, that's fine. Now I have a story, actually that I forgot about which popped in my head, and this is a situation where there was no advanced notice and I think this would kind of I would still follow the rules Obviously I'm not a psycho person, but it would kind of tick me off a little. Okay, so I know a girl who's this is really common in Europe. You do what's called a ski season, so you travel like around Europe when you're not in uni, college, whatever. You have time off from school and you go and do like a winter season abroad in like Switzerland, and you're like a chalet girl. So now if you work for the slopes like, you either train them or you like do rentals, you know like lessons, stuff like that, or you do like cooking and cleaning in a chalet for the family.
Speaker 2:So I know a girl who is really good friends with someone who did a ski season. She was a chalet girl, so she was going to like cook and clean for family. She has a severe nut allergy. She took over a cabin last minute because the chalet girl who was supposed to be there like I don't remember, got sick or something. So she had a week with a family with young kids and like right before they were flying in, she was like oh, by the way, I have a severe nut allergy, so like you can't have any, like anything in the house. And they were like shit, like we're traveling with young kids and like peanut butter is a not the best source of protein, but for kids it's like at least something. And like you're skiing and like I think they were kind of banking on that. And it's a house like with a full kitchen so you need to like go shopping and like fill it with food. And they messaged back kind of ticked off, and we're like, well, like we paid for it already and we're already have travel plans.
Speaker 2:And now, like the couple days before, you're telling us that like we can't have any nuts, like we have young kids, like what the frick? And um, this friend of the friend was telling the story to me and was like I just think it's like really immature that they reacted that way and I was like I don't know, like I, I, I wouldn't. I would probably say it to Ted, I wouldn't have said it to her, like I would have kept it to myself. But I would be a little ticked off too if I already paid for this. We already have plans and now you're telling me and I get it, it was like a last minute change, but I'd be like shit, like we need to really rethink how we're gonna feed our kids this week. But I wouldn't have said it to her. Like they were messaging her like kind of how you can message like a host through Airbnb. Like I would have kept it to myself, but definitely to Ted. I probably would have been like fuck, like we really need to, you know, shift things around now.
Speaker 1:I would have definitely said it to John. I wouldn't have said it to the girl, because I would just be grateful that they were able to replace the girl. Like I don't want to have to do her job too, um. So yeah, I mean it would have put a damper on my plans, but I would have quickly, like that's the whole thing about being a mom and any mother knows you're you live to learn how to like, manage and juggle and switch things out and in last minute, like that's all you do, you're really good at it. So, like it is what it is, like it sucks, but like would I have figured it out absolutely?
Speaker 2:yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right, like you would have like figured it out, but you probably would have for a second been like, ah shit that's a human reaction.
Speaker 1:I would not have messaged the girl nasty, I would have just been like okay, thanks for letting me know. Vented to my husband while he helped me make a new game plan.
Speaker 2:That's all yeah um, but otherwise, like with school things, like they give you plenty of advanced notice when you're touring a daycare. They're like, by the way, there's a nut free facility, you know. Like it's not, like they're springing it on. You day one you send your kid with a peanut butter sandwich and they're like, sorry, you're not eating today. Like everyone is aware that it's nut free and it's so common nowadays. So, yeah, like I'm sorry and to you know, make a child feel like it's their fault that they have an allergy. They already know it sucks. Maybe this kid liked peanut butter. Like they know it blows. They don't want to be the kid who can't have the Reese's Cup, but that's unfortunately where they are at and I just think to make a child feel badly about that, like they're somehow punishing the rest of the school, is bullying. It is bullying. You're bullying a child.
Speaker 1:And that's pathetic. I'm actually shocked that they wrote that in the chatter. So this is the chatter that I'm actually in, ladies and gentlemen, because it's our township chatter, and when I actually read it before this article came out, I remember looking at this woman's comment being like oof jesus who pissed in your cheerios today, jesus. But yeah, I, it's that the comments were uncalled for and it's just like. It is what it is. You know, move along. You don't have to like it, but you do have to adapt. Um, the article did mention which I found interesting that allergies the peanut allergies among children increased by 50 since the late 1990s.
Speaker 2:That's crazy yes, and I am actually going to. So I think I've mentioned on this podcast before that israel has the lowest nut allergy in the world and it's because the first food that they introduced to their baby between four to six months is it's called like Boba Bombas. I don't know if I don't know the name brand, but they're basically little melt away peanut puffs and it's just a common snack that melts. So that's why it's not like they purposefully were like, oh, give peanuts to babies. They were just like oh, it melts away. So, kids, it's like a perfect kid's first snack, like puffs. And they have the lowest peanut allergy in the world. And I think it's because of the early exposure to nuts Sorry, little baby.
Speaker 2:And I think a lot of the reason nut allergies did increase in the Western world, specifically like the US, is because for a while people were nervous, because you were like well, I don't know if my kid has a nut allergy and I don't want to expose them too soon, and then God forbid they have an anaphylactic reaction and die.
Speaker 2:But now the advice is, if you come from like a high allergy family, to do early exposure, so like when you're pregnant, have peanut butter as much as you can, when they're four months old, give them like a little bit of peanut butter, nut butter, see how they react. Obviously, your first reaction will be nothing because it takes a sensitizing event, so the second time you introduce it they'll have a reaction, but the advice is four months exposure. If you come from a high allergy family or if, like your husband, has an allergy like you know, something like that, yeah, so I think it has a lot to do with, though, in the early 2000s, people were just so terrified to give their kids nuts at such a young age, and then they unfortunately you eat it so late in life that you've already developed a resistance to it now. Yeah, an overreaction.
Speaker 1:I agree, and I mean, if Israel truly has the lowest, maybe we need to import some of those snacks and do what they're good. Maybe that's that's the key.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's what they're good. Maybe that's that's the key. Yeah, that's what they say early exposure.
Speaker 1:It is a theory obviously, but I don't know. Yeah, I mean, it's clearly getting so bad that bridget. You just mentioned to me yesterday that they now announce it on every couple of flights you've been on right, yes, bane of my existence.
Speaker 2:Because I'm just like, okay, I'm one of those people that like plans ahead for myself so I pack myself. I don't know if anyone has these, but they're called perfect bars and they are like a hundred percent peanut, like the first ingredient is peanuts, so I will like always pack a snack, god forbid. I just like don't like the airplane food or something, you know what if it's like a funky choice, so I always have snacks on me. I'm like a big loser, like that. If anyone needs food, just check my pockets.
Speaker 2:So I, about two years ago, I had friends visiting us in England and they were telling us, because they fly a lot for weddings, so domestic flights are like every domestic flight we get on lately they make an announcement that you can't have nuts because there's someone on the flight with a nut allergy. And I was like weird, like I, but I'm flying internationally. So I'm like I've never heard that since they mentioned it. It's like they put a jinx on me since they mentioned that about two years ago. I would say like one in three flights I take, I hear that announcement and I'm always like looking at my perfect bar, like oh, I'm going to eat you soon. And then they announced it and I'm like damn it.
Speaker 2:And then I was looking up, why specifically like? Cause? I was like is it the recycled air or something Like? Is it the recycled air or something? They think the peanut particles are floating? No, apparently it's because the shared bathroom facilities and the shared railings, armrests, whatever. So if you eat something with nuts and then, god forbid, you go to the bathroom and you touch now the flusher, the door, handle all this stuff and that person uses the bathroom. If they truly have a severe reaction, you don't have to ingest it to go into anaphylaxis, you just have to ingest it to go into anaphylaxis, like you just have to touch nuts, basically right, right.
Speaker 1:So frustrating, but it's not their fault, but I am always like god damn it. But you know what's funny, I bet, when the airlines announce like if they ever do, say if the airlines in the future, because our allergies just continually to be up in this in our country, and they say you know what airlines are nut free now, I don't think anyone would start commenting on that article like you should control your allergy.
Speaker 2:You're soft, oh I bet you they would. Marissa, I bet you they would.
Speaker 1:That's insane like it's not even a big deal. You know what I mean. Like there's so many alternatives, people don't you eat other things besides foods with peanuts apparently not.
Speaker 2:Peanut is life, because that's what people make it sound like, that they only eat peanut butter jelly sandwiches or something. I mean, I don't know, I get it. It's tough for a kid, but kids are also very adaptable they are.
Speaker 1:They are interesting. Well, I guess we'll see what our future holds for the airline industry remember when you used to like only get peanuts on a plane. Yes, wow, the times have changed I know they would never. They would never now if they see you try to swipe a single peanut and you're getting banned yeah, I know, I was like hiding my bars. I was like oh my god weren't you allowed to like smoke on planes? And you definitely, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's funny.
Speaker 2:We learn, we live and learn we evolve, people we evolve and then just eat the peanuts in the privacy of your own home exactly, or you're not killing anybody, you murderer yep so I don't know why, but I just got a like a flashback to horrible bosses.
Speaker 1:When his boss had an allergy, he went to his house to put it in his shampoo bowl yeah, and like, didn't buy peanut oil, bought whole peanuts.
Speaker 2:I was like shoving, like as if you wouldn't be like why are there nuts in my conditioner?
Speaker 1:like oh sorry, that was a funny scene, but not funny if that was real life, but just but funny scene, yeah, funny funny movie, so yeah. So I wanted to also check in with you, bridget, now that you're 30 days into motherhood. Um, so why don't we? I think it'd be good if you could give maybe listeners who are either thinking about having their first kid or are on their first kid, and what has it been like 30 days? What's been hard, what's been easy?
Speaker 2:Oh, okay, 30 day check-in. So I'm incredibly lucky and Marissa can attest to this. Like Theo is a very good newborn, but even good newborns require a lot of attention. Like you're still tired with the very best newborn. He's making it very easy for us, though, but like you just need to get used to the fact that you're never going to sleep the same. Like you sleep so lightly and he gets up for one night feed, literally one. Like he's so easy and doesn't matter.
Speaker 2:Like A, there's a newborn grunt. Like they're always just like he could be sleeping soundly. He's loud as fuck. Like I'm like shut up. Like it's like sleeping with a snorer. So if your husband does not snore, your baby will. Like they just little two. Like they're just not quiet. So A, that's in your ear and B like you just sleep so lightly because your brain is now hyper attuned to if he makes the slightest noise and like I check on him, it's wild. But like and I'm not like an anxious mom, it's just like you, you hear everything. Now your ears are just like spidey senses.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, and you're also like I would feel like you're really in tune with your child, which is weird, because when you're leaving the hospital you're thinking, hello, you just let me leave, I don't know what I'm doing, but then I feel like once you get home, you really get into a groove and you really I just feel like. It's like instincts.
Speaker 2:I can't explain it, you just yeah, it's so weird because I'm like, I'm such a brand new mom. Yeah, everyone like is asking. They're like oh, so what do you want to like? Do you want the decision maker now? So I'm like, yes, let's feed him. Like you know, it's kind of a guessing game. But also, like you do feel like you kind of know and like sometimes like someone else like, let's say, ted will be like, oh, should we wake him up to feed him? And I'm like, no, not this time. Like he's really sleep deprived, leave him. And I'm like, how do I know that? But you do just know it's weird yeah it is weird.
Speaker 2:So like definitely get used to less sleep, get used to it being like so worth it though, because even like marissa had a naughty little baby with her second one, but still like right, you would say it's so worth it for like the newborn cuddles and just like the love that you feel for them and you had like a true colicky pain in the ass.
Speaker 1:But yeah, yeah, no, she's still breaking my balls today, but no, he's adorable and obviously absolutely the light of my life. Even when she's trying to dim mine, it's fine that is evelyn.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, for sure, um, and then get used to like the lack of mobility and freedom. Not physical mobility, but like the idea of like just leaving your house to do something yeah, good luck. Like you need to make sure it's in between if you're formula feeding lucky bitch, but if you're not, then it's in between pumping, in between feeding, in between his naps and make sure he has a fresh diaper, like. So all that has to align perfectly into like a golden window of time when you're like, leave now, get the stroller and go, otherwise, like you're never, you just can't, yeah, get out of the house. Um, which is frustrating. But sometimes that means like we go for walks at six at night and we're like, well, the day is almost over, but we did it.
Speaker 1:You know, we got out, it's fine even if you're in that window, sometimes a blowout happens and you go motherfucker yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 2:so also just like unpredictability. Again, again, I'm incredibly lucky where, like I'm here with very supportive parents and Marissa obviously, so like we were able to go to a wedding on Saturday first night out alone, which was weird. Like like it was never concerned about Theo's like wellbeing Cause I'm like Marissa's got this, but you are just like thinking about them all the time and I'm like, why am I thinking about him? I'm trying to be out and like be with my friends, but, like Ed and I were actually looking at photos of him at the table and I was like enough of that, we're done. They're like it's so weird like you, just your brain is just fixated on them now yes, absolutely.
Speaker 1:You finally become the people that are always showing too many baby photos and they're like no, I know 60 times in different positions. Yeah, I know he's cute, oh so lame so lame.
Speaker 2:I just and like I don't know, like in any other situation, I would have just like thrown a dress on, going to the, gone to the wedding and then like, yep, have fun. But it was just like like planning the milk and you know, just like like you miss that freedom kind of of just being like, yeah, I'm only looking after myself and I'm an adult, so like god forbid I forget something, like we'll figure it out. Like I can forget my underwear, like we'll, we'll be fine, like we'll survive.
Speaker 1:You cannot forget things with your baby no tip that I honestly enjoyed second time around is once we got that minivan, we stocked it with stuff that we know we could never go without. So, like there's an x, we call it our the van wipes, if you see where I'm going with that. So like essential items that maybe needed to be replaced and I didn't replace in the diaper bag, or just you know, we were on the go and I was like, get the car and I needed the it's. Just you never know, um, or if I told john and he thought he told me and there was a miscommunication and it wasn't packed properly. So we just had extra things in our in the back of our trunk and and boy did they those wipes come in handy a few times.
Speaker 2:I think I used your van wipes when we were at apple picking. Yeah, love it, love the van wipes. That's a great idea. Okay, so when I get back to England I'm going to have like a mini diaper bag that has wipes, diapers, maybe a bottle like random shiz, like that Merchandise pack and go. Yeah, absolutely Okay, good thinking, thank you.
Speaker 1:You're welcome and I hope anybody else who needs that tip can use it, that's a good thought Cause, as it is like we basically do that around the house.
Speaker 2:So like his bassinet has wipes and diapers and A and D cream ready to go the changing cable obviously has that and Gaga's bedroom has it. So like you never have to go, like I'm going all the way to the front of the house Our house is not big, by the way, but you know what I mean Like in the middle of the night you're already changing a diaper with one eye and you're like I'm so tired, like you don't want to get out of bed. Go all the way to the changing table, get that.
Speaker 1:You just want to like reach in find one and listeners of something that I never thought would happen, bridget. So let me give you a little backstory If you don't know us personally. Bridget is the person that has always likes to be well dressed, whether that be like runway fashion outfit or even just beautifully put together J crew looking new England style classic girl and she's always well put together. She always includes usually jewelry, light makeup, hair done Um, and even if she she's always the girl that I I would be home in like sweats with holes and stains, she would still even just to come to my house and have a tlc smothered marathon, she would be fully dressed and makeup ready. I'm like you look so great and I look like a shit stain and she just couldn't. She couldn't understand why I was like that. She even threw some shade over the years. She was like girl, like love yourself, put yourself together, and I'm like fuck that. No.
Speaker 1:And then yesterday we had our aunt katie and our cousin grace visit us miss you guys. And we were rushing because we knew they were on their way and she's in her robe from middle school. It was like look like you could buy it from claire's shout out to claire's if people don't. And or like limited to, and she was like in her milking broad underwear from the previous day and her robe still. She forgot, I guess, to look down because she was like, oh god, I'm stressed, oh yeah, and her hair was in a sloppy bun setting the scene and she's like I'm so stressed, so you know, at least I'm in my outfit for the day and looks down and goes, I mean, I'm in my robe, I'm in a bathrobe, but but that's my outfit.
Speaker 2:by the way, guys, now that's an outfit that.
Speaker 1:by the way, guys, now that's an outfit that's an ensemble, yeah, okay, and she, just it was like she finally was like I get it now.
Speaker 2:Lord there is. I mean I would like to say that I think it's good parenting. We put him first. So we wake up, I pump, ted, feeds him at the same time. It's like 8am, let's say pump and feed, go, divide and conquer and then, once he's done with the whole, maybe spit up window, we get him to the changing table. It's really good to establish like a daytime, nighttime routine. So like we change him every morning pajamas every night, so we change him, clean him fresh diaper, fresh outfit. He's ready to go. By the time that's done, it's like 9.30, sometimes 10. So we're still in pajamas. We've not brushed our teeth, washed our faces, we've not had breakfast, but he's like fully clean, dressed, fed, ready for the day and I'm like we put him first, as we should. Obviously he's a baby who can't fend for himself, but by the time, like I'm getting dressed, sometimes it is noon. Okay, so right now it's 2 pm. I have fed him twice now, clothed him, everything, burped him. He's chilling. Now he's in his boppy.
Speaker 2:I did a workout this morning so I could have changed, but I was like, no, I'm gonna like do a workout. That's why I'm still in pajamas. At least you're in cute matching ones. I'm in matching pjs but like, oh, and I fed myself. I made protein waffles for gaga and I this morning. So like we have eaten, but like I have not brushed my teeth or changed my outfit, but everything else is handled. So I'm like I'm putting him first, I'm putting like my. Obviously I have to eat because I'm pumping so like I can't not eat. But, lord, let me tell you, sometimes I'm in these pajamas until I have to leave the house if anyone personally knows Bridget and is thinking what does she need around Christmas?
Speaker 1:cute lounge sets and matching pajamas so she could feel good about herself while not dressing until lounge sets.
Speaker 2:I think that's like motherhood of the future, unless everyone already does that, and I'm just like totally behind lounge sets.
Speaker 1:I I mean, I heard about that when I was pregnant with jack, but you know, john's cheap and we were way poorer back then so, but, you know. Someone said if you want to feel better about yourself in motherhood, always have a ton on hand. Different colors, matching lounge sets.
Speaker 2:Lounge sets is where it's at gotta get you some girl. I know I think that so nice, especially because with a child, not that people don't tell you, they give you like a day or two notice, but people pop in and sometimes you literally just like don't have time for like a you know visits. You're like I tend to throw anything on. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, especially like with pumping and breastfeeding moms, you know, it's like you're like always having to whip a titty out and be a cow. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Also now that I would like to highlight what Mercer sent to me this morning. So where is this? There's something called Beyond the Baby Blues mom-to-mom support group and every Tuesday it's Zoom. You join Tuesdays at 10 am Eastern time and it's on. Beyond Baby Blues is their handle for Instagram. So if anyone's interested in that Mercer sent it to me this morning. I think that's such a great idea.
Speaker 1:And I would like to make everyone aware. Yeah, I think if you need that extra support, even if you're just like I, just need some social interaction with other mothers who have babies so that I don't feel bad if they hear my baby getting fussy. You know, it's nice to have that village.
Speaker 2:And also like, if you have a lot of friends who don't have children, sometimes you feel weird, like venting about like simple things, but like when you say it to a mom, they're just like oh my God, I get it, like I totally get it that we've been there, done that, don't worry, that's normal, you know.
Speaker 1:Whereas if you are venting to your friends without children, they're just like OK, like I don't know, you know, and you feel like the old maid I will say, and as ted probably attests this having a kid has aged them like 20 to 30 years. Poor ted's back is blown out. He's just struggling to survive. I know, honestly, we're so old now. If you ask them to hang out now, they're like if it's past 8 pm we will not be attending.
Speaker 2:We have to plan when we can watch a movie, dude, a movie we're like, okay, he's down, turn the movie on now and don't.
Speaker 1:How pathetic is that. Wait till you want to have a baby number two and you have to plan when to actually have it. Like this, you know the act of it making, oh my God, that is so far from my mind. According to the football game yesterday, you will have another kid in two years.
Speaker 2:And I will to the football game yesterday.
Speaker 1:You will have another kid in two years and I will curse you forever for that.
Speaker 1:But yeah, so it's important when you're having kids, keep a village around it is. You will notice, especially if you're the first of your friend groups to have kids, that they can't relate to you and they're not. You know, it's nothing on them, nothing on you, and you see them still have their freedom and still do crazy last minute decisions and go out maybe till 2 to 3 am, maybe even after a wedding and after party. It is what it is they get to. They're free, live your life run I actually was thinking about this.
Speaker 2:If people were ever like when do you know you're ready to have a kid, whatever, because you're never ready, you just have to like do it if you want them. If you want them, you just do it. But I would say, when you like? All my friends pretty much not all of them, but a lot of my friends still live in the city and they still use the city. You know you're ready for kids when you don't really use the city anymore.
Speaker 2:Like Ted and I were, we lived right in the heart of Manchester. We didn't go out that often anymore, like occasionally for a couple beers, but it was like nothing. Like when we first moved there and we'd be out to dinner once a week, maybe twice a week, we'd go to bars after work for a couple of drinks, like we just weren't doing that anymore. And that's when we were like, oh, actually, like we could totally adjust to a quieter pace for a bit because we're not going out that often.
Speaker 2:If you're still like a couple that has plans every saturday with your friends, maybe you host a dinner once a week, you go out late at night, like you have to be willing to say goodbye to all that and we're chill parents, like we take theo with us everywhere because we're like we're not gonna not live our lives, like we'll just take him with us, like we've gone out to eat with him next to us, but like you have to be willing to know that you can't live like that anymore because you'll just you'll be too fucking tired. It's not like you. You can't because you're you're a parent now, so you can't have fun. You still can have fun and you can still have your own identity and definitely carve out time for yourself, but you just will not have the time or the energy to do it yes, yes, I didn't know if I was even going to talk about this, but because you know, it wasn't on our mind.
Speaker 1:But now, now that you brought it, it brings me to another point. I do think it's nice that we're really coming up on a generation of very involved and present fathers, more so that I feel like the older generations have been, because in motherhood for me it's been so essential when John's been like you need a girl's night, you don't even have to ask, you just need to let me know when I'm watching. These kids Never told me no to any girls trip, even when we actually were not as financially stable as we were now. I mean, he would make it work, he would budget it for me, and even just a trip just us too, without the kids. He has never said no to that either.
Speaker 1:These are all things that are super important. You need to still have time with your girls and even your spouse away, but unfortunately this is not always possible when we don't have a great partner. So, please, please, women, marry smart. Pick your best friend for life. Pick a great husband and a great father, not someone who just wants, you know, a wife and a kid, someone who actually wants to be a husband and a father. That's very important. Ladies, listen back to that, you know. Re-listen to this on the podcast, because they're very different things. Sometimes men like the image but they don't want to actually put in the work. It's important you marry someone who wants to be in the thick of it with you, supportive as always, because otherwise being a parent especially if you have multiples- it's rough.
Speaker 2:It's rough out there, oh my God, even something as simple as like a mani-pedi the day before the wedding. And I was like okay, I'll be gone for like two hours, I'm really sorry. And Ted was like like it's okay, like you need to relax, you need to do things like that. It's fine. Like go get a manicure, pedicure, come back. And I was like okay, and I was like, of course, watching the camera, like he was like stop watching, relax.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, yeah, um, because I mean I've heard stories of like people in older generations being like, well, if I wanted to go out, my husband was like well, who's watching the kids, or are you taking them with you? I personally could not imagine if my husband spoke to me like that, because we would be divorced, because you're not going to talk to me like that our husbands together are going to the opening uh, night of devil's game this week devil's home opener, you know.
Speaker 2:ted was like is that okay? I'm like, yeah, like you gotta have fun because we have that. And then we have a wedding the next night, another wedding. So I'm like, yeah, like we, we need to have fun because we have that, and then we have a wedding the next night, another wedding. So I'm like, yeah, like we, we need to have fun. Like we have to make time for ourselves, otherwise you will completely lose your identity and I'm not going to lie, you lose probably a part of yourself when you have kids, cause they just like occupy a lot of your brain. But like you can't lose touch with who you are as a person. Like I live for 30 whole years without Theo. Like you know, I'm still a person who needs to look after myself exactly, exactly.
Speaker 1:Personally, it makes me a better mother. When I have time for myself, I am more present. I use my phone less as an escape and I just am not like on edge and like an angry, you know, like someone who's just like on the verge of yelling at all times, like I'm actually calmer yeah, now that I've had like a night's sleep, we slept well, last night, I feel like a different person.
Speaker 2:Whereas I was going on two nights of no sleep, I was getting so irritable with everyone like I was just like I'm sorry, but like I am sleep deprived, I need to fucking close my eyes. And now that I have done that, I'm a new person and katie just said that yesterday to you.
Speaker 2:She's like, once you get past that stretch, you're like a new woman oh my, he slept for five hours last night, guys like as as a stretch. Oh my god. And the thing is, I don't know what it was, but when I closed my eyes I was down, whereas most nights, even if he's sleeping, I'm like just kind of staring like I'm sleeping, but very lightly. Last night it was like he's down, I'm down, boom, oh felt good nice, I love that for you.
Speaker 1:Thank you so but, yeah, so well, we did ask jerry some questions about the nut allergy thing, so we'll get to jare bear section and we'll let bridget read the answers for you. So here we go. We asked jerry was the nut allergy very common when raising her three kids? If so, how did she deal with?
Speaker 2:it. She said that it really wasn't as prevalent back then because we were in school in the late 90s and then the early 2000s and stuff when we were young, so it wasn't really as prevalent then. And then when I was coming out of my age, so when Bridget was coming out of middle school, their St Joseph's grade school in Tom's River had a nut-free table and that was. It was in the same cafeteria with everybody else. There was just a sign on it that was a peanut and then like a cross through it. So she for so with her first two kids like she didn't really have to deal with that, but with Michael she remembers more of like daycare being nut free and stuff. But yeah, it wasn't as prevalent and it definitely wasn't like a hot topic at the time.
Speaker 1:Right, right. Next question If it was the same issue and they decided to send you a letter home saying you need to use alternatives and we are now peanut free, how would you have handled that?
Speaker 2:Would have handled it fine. It would have been a bit inconvenient. Obviously, kids are picky. Kids can be really difficult. Kids can just smell something's different and be like, no, I don't want it. You know that kids are weird, but ultimately, like, your child's health is more important and you know, wouldn't risk that and she would have just found an alternative. Like we always do, and you also, you kind of fib to your kids. Your kids don't want to try something. You go, oh no, this is um, you know, red top peanut butter. This is peanut butter, but the can has the red top on it. Oh yeah, and they just kind of like believe you, so she would have made it work and adapted.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yes, yeah, she was very good like that. And I will say, me and all my siblings are great eaters, we eat all kinds of things, we are not afraid to try new things, and I do think that's really all due to jerry and how she raised us and opened our horizons, so she really did good on that front and I could see why it wouldn't bother her. You know, she might have been like, oh all right, whatever, but yeah, she would just be like and now we're going to be eating this, ladies and gentlemen, and I don't want to hear a peep, thank you oh yeah, that we were definitely.
Speaker 2:Uh, you can't complain at the table type of, but she would just lie. Like pork roll every kid does like, come on, pork roll is so good. If you're not from like the new jersey area, you don't know what that is, but anyway it's delicious. And to get michael to try it when he was a kid, she just said they're flat hot dogs and he was like oh, flat hot dog, yeah, all right. And then what she told your kid, that's canadian bacon, because they love bacon well, evelyn thinks it's a flat hot dog, though oh, okay and um, that's actually how she eats it.
Speaker 1:And I laugh hysterically that my mom has one-upped her because otherwise evelyn literally refuses, and I'm like so, but yeah, you, just, you really adapt honestly, um, and I'm, you know, she also, like she said, I was a little different back then so she didn't have to worry about the same kinds of things, but I have no doubt that she would have easily adapted, like she said yeah, like we were saying earlier, parenthood is being able to think on your feet and find alternatives, because guess what Things do not go according to plan when you're a parent.
Speaker 2:Pretty much every day is like a new little challenge. We're like how am I going to deal with this?
Speaker 1:And what a worthwhile challenge, worthwhile challenge, so hoping if anyone is listening out there really needed this or is a new mother and is really feeling lonely and like they're losing that village and maybe part of their identity. Just know we empathize with you and we're here. You know we're really friendly. You could DM us Whatever you want to reach us. We will absolutely reach back out. Yeah, and you know you got to find what really works for you and the people who can be supportive. I'm glad Bridget shared you know where to go for the zoom link for Tuesday meetings if you really need the extra support. And yeah, just you know, let us know what you'd like to hear. And again, we appreciate all of our listeners as usual. Please like, subscribe and follow us at psychotic py podcast. You can even give us a follow over at youtube to subscribe for us. So with that, thanks for listening.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much, guys, we really appreciate you. And theo says over and out because he's got a poopy diaper. Well then, bye-bye.