Psychotic P***y Podcast

Unseen Scars: Confronting Sexual Violence and Championing Healing

• Dr. Bridget Melton, MD and Licensed Therapist Marissa Volinsky, MS, LPC, NCC • Season 2 • Episode 3

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What if the wounds we cannot see are the most debilitating? This episode dives deep into the pervasive and destructive impacts of sexual violence on women's physical, reproductive, and psychological health. We unpack the critical role healthcare providers play in recognizing these traumas and providing comprehensive care, emphasizing the need for mental health support to foster healing and recovery.

Imagine a college experience marred by fear and injustice. We confront the harrowing realities of sexual misconduct on campuses, dissecting high-profile cases like Brock Turner and Emma Sulkowicz's protest at Columbia University. We scrutinize the systemic failures that lead to underreporting and discuss the importance of early intervention to prevent sexist behaviors from escalating. The conversation also champions transparency and proper reporting to safeguard student safety, ensuring informed decisions for parents and future students.

Our journey continues with a shocking look at Dr. Larry Nassar's abuse case, acknowledging the bravery of his victims who came forward. We explore the power of male allies like Terry Crews and Hannibal Buress in amplifying these issues, advocating for greater male involvement in combating sexual abuse. Finally, we examine Louisiana's controversial surgical castration law for sex crimes and its ethical implications, addressing broader societal issues surrounding domestic violence and the critical need for empathetic and actionable solutions. Join us for this vital conversation as we stress awareness, support, and systemic change in addressing these entrenched societal problems.



Disclaimer: This podcast represents the opinions of Dr. Bridget Melton, MD and licensed therapist Marissa Volinsky, MS, LPC, NCC. The contents of our podcast and website should not be taken as medical advice. The contents of our podcast and website are for general informational purposes only, and are not intended to diagnose, treat, prevent, or cure any condition or disease or substitute for medical advice. Always seek the advice of your physician, mental health professional, or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or treatment and before starting or discontinuing treatment.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts or a crisis, please reach out immediately to the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 or text HOME to the Crisis Text Line at 741741. These services are free and confidential.

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Marissa:

Hello and welcome back to our podcast. Today we're talking about sexual violence, so trigger warning disclaimer. This topic is a very heavy topic. So you know, if this has happened to you or someone you know, or this topic is just heavy, please feel free to tune out or skip this episode of our season. So we're going to try our best to make everyone feel comfortable, so let's dive right in.

Bridget:

All right, hi guys, welcome to psychotic PY podcast. I don't want to say the P word because apparently YouTube will block us a little bit, so so let's just jump right in. Yeah, so in 2013, gina Thomas and colleagues reported that quote sexual violence, in addition to violating a woman's rights, can result in immediate and long-term health consequences for women. Now this probably seems really obvious to everyone, but we need to really specifically say how your long-term health can be affected. So sexual violence can lead to a multitude of health consequences, including physical, reproductive and psychological. Some may be fatal, whereas others, such as unhealthy behaviors, may occur indirectly as a result of the violence. In total, these result in a significant health burden and should be considered by service providers, government authorities and non-governmental agencies. So for women who present early, immediate care should be provided with plans for follow-up. Mental health interventions are important, as women who are sexually assaulted have the highest burden of post-traumatic stress disorder. So that is all a direct quote from this study. The immediate health concerns are obviously sexually transmitted infections, including HIV, quickly treated infections like chlamydia, gonorrhea, etc. Those are just more short term, whereas if you develop something like HIV or herpes, it can be a long term burden you are now living with and that obviously you know HIV greatly impacts your health. Later on. Medium to long term health consequences can be gastrointestinal those are reported as the highest. So diarrhea, nausea, vomiting, tiredness and abdominal pain.

Bridget:

A lot of women who are victims of sexual violence report that as the most common symptom, and I think it's a lot to do with stress not sleeping well, not eating well, and just constant stress really irritates our tummies. You know. To put it lightly, genital injuries can cause vaginal bleeding, irritation, chronic pelvic pain, pms, utis. So women who come in with what we would call dyspareunia, so pain with sex. You know, usually you need to dig a little bit deeper with these women and you will uncover some sort of sexual trauma from their past, because it is abnormal to have this chronic pelvic pain through something as simple as consensual sex with someone that you want to be with. So it's really important that you don't overlook that and you do dive deeper into their past and really question them if they were ever taken advantage of and obviously that can then affect their future family planning Someone who is with someone who they love and they consent to be with but are in so much pain that they cannot have, you know, meaningful, penetrative sex, then it will be really difficult for them to conceive. So these things can't be overlooked. It's really important we ask women about that if they present with chronic pelvic pain, like that Quote.

Bridget:

Sexual violence has been linked to high-risk sexual behaviors, such as having unprotected sex, having multiple sexual partners, participating in sex work or transactional sex, having sex while under the influence of alcohol or drugs and having high-risk sexual partners. So these all these things, you know, although not inherently bad, but if it's a result of trauma, we need to look into this because it's almost non-consensual at that point if you're doing it as a trauma response. In 2014, a cross-sectional study performed by Santillaria and colleagues reported that sexual assault is a traumatic event with potentially devastating lifelong effects on physical and mental health. Research has demonstrated that individuals who experience sexual assault during childhood are more likely to engage in risky behaviors later in life, such as smoking, alcohol and drug use and disordered eating habits, which may increase the risk of developing a chronic disease. So it's so interesting, these things that we experience, especially in young age, if it can affect how you make decisions in the future smoking, alcohol, drug use, disordered eating habits as we know because we've discussed in season one of this podcast.

Bridget:

All those decisions affect your overall health. Smoking obviously can lead to lung cancer, hypertension. Alcohol use can lead to diabetes and hypertension, and poor decision-making, which can open you up to more infections. Disordered eating obviously can lead to hypertension, diabetes, heart disease. So all of these things are a result of a previous trauma, potentially. So we can't overlook that mind-body connection. It's really really important and especially after something as traumatic and life-altering as sexual assault, sexual violence. So it's really important that your doctors, nurses, eas, et cetera, really explore that mind-body connection and don't just say, oh well, you came in with pelvic pain or a couple infections and say, oh, it's just normal, you know, having some risky sexual behavior, of course you're going to develop some infections. You really need to say you know, was this a result of something consensual? Do you need to talk about it more? Do you need me to refer you to a therapist? So yeah, it's very, very important topic.

Marissa:

Absolutely, you know. From the mental health aspect I will say it's as horrific as the sexual violence is, the the aftermath and the mental health I've seen in my own experience has been really detrimental effects. Let's understand sexual violence from a mental health perspective. Sexual assault, rape, incest these are all traumatic experiences that can have devastating and long-lasting effect on survivors. These can involve non-consensual sexual contact or behavior perpetrated by force, through manipulation or coercion. Mental health impact it could be, like Bridget said, post-traumatic stress disorder, ptsd, and the survivors often experience symptoms such as flashback nightmares, severe anxiety, which is also similar to those seen in combat veterans. They can experience depression, feelings of sadness, hopelessness, loss of interest in life and these are all common among survivors. Anxiety disorders you may develop a generalized anxiety disorder. Panic attacks, specific phobias now related to this trauma that you've experienced.

Marissa:

Dissociation Very common among survivors. You may dissociate from your certain emotions and surroundings as a coping mechanism after the assault. You know if something is triggering you and makes you relive that experience, even in the slightest, you might dissociate in order to protect yourself. That's very common. Victims may turn to substance use, whether it's drugs or alcohol. We also see that. So increased risk of risky behaviors and that's how they try to cope with their trauma. Suicidal thoughts they are definitely a higher risk for suicidal ideation, suicide attempts, often due to overwhelming feelings of shame, guilt and despair. So these are all things that you might see for the mental health, which might be kind of like red flags, so you can maybe, if someone hasn't disclosed in therapy what they're coming for entirely and certain things are popping up and they're maybe having certain diagnoses or symptoms, you can kind of understand why it might be.

Marissa:

You might want to ask these things, like Bridget said, so from her perspective, if, if she sees something going on internally, she wants to ask just to make sure, is this due to this, instead of just what you're coming for? So that's what I may ask as well and say let's dive into your past here. Have you ever been a victim of physical assault, sexual, verbal? Just trying to figure out what they may have experienced so I can get the bigger picture and I can fully help them.

Marissa:

Some barriers to recovery, though, I will say, is stigma and shame. Survivors often have internalized guilt and shame which prevents them from seeking help or speaking out, lack of support. This is huge, I will say, especially in, maybe would you say, bridget, like lower income families. There is a lack of support there and I feel like those victims easily turn more to alcohol and drugs or sex working stuff like that, just really behaviors that are more harmful than helpful and unfortunately they don't have friends and family and institutions to help them. They don't know where to go, so where else do they go? Their behavior is just kind of increasing and complex trauma which could be repeated, or prolonged nature of sexual abuse in cases of incest, which could obviously hinder the healing process.

Marissa:

So those are a few barriers to recovery. Some therapeutic interventions could be EMDR and just trauma-focused therapies in general, and also seeking out a therapist who has experience in this and can really connect you to the right people and team to help you. Support networks you have to have a strong support system friends, families, support groups super crucial in this time. So these are all super important to take into consideration when dealing with clients that have experienced these types of traumas.

Bridget:

You know the thing about like sexual violence, like we talk about it with these. You know hushed tones and everything's like. It's so extreme, can you imagine, but it the reality is. As a woman and to everyone out there listening, if you identify as female and you have female friends, you probably know someone who has been either raped or victim of molestation or some sort of sexual violence in their lifetime. And it's so prevalent even in developed nations. That is something we should really be more open to speaking about to lessen that stigma Because, as Marissa said, people turn to these risky behaviors because they don't have support and they don't have support because they're afraid to seek it out for the most part, and it's such a shame that we really I mean I'm saying this, but we all know someone who is a victim one way or another of some sort of sexual violence. If not, it happened to ourselves Mostly the story is they just did nothing about it.

Marissa:

Yeah, yeah, which is it's sad. Support systems are super important. I just mentioned, though, um. You know, socioeconomic status unfortunately does play a key part in this, and how you know the victims will respond and the help they'll get. And it's really sad because, yeah, it should be talked about more. It shouldn't be. You know, so hush, hush, and you know this is something that is happening. You definitely probably know someone in your life, whether whether you know it or not, that has experienced sexual violence.

Bridget:

Yeah, and most of these people, I think. I guess because we're so used to brushing off poor behavior that it's just like another step and it's not the straw that breaks the camel's back which is so fucked up Like, let's say, for example, because it's so common on college campuses in the U S.

Marissa:

Turner.

Bridget:

Yeah, like we all know someone, or, like I said, or it was. You were like you went out one night. You woke up, you know you only had a few drinks. You woke up completely blackout at like 4 PM Okay, not like an 11 AM. Like Ooh, wow, I drank too much. Like true blackout. Like 4pm, okay, not like an 11am. Like oh, wow, I drank too much True blackout.

Bridget:

You are now confused. You have no idea what happened the night before and your friends say you didn't even drink that much. You think there's a chance I was possibly roofied Okay, it's very common. And then you're like oh, the last thing I remember actually is like I woke up in a guy's house. It's so sad that women are just like well, it's just another thing. No one reports that.

Bridget:

It's so rare to then go to school authorities and be like you know, I was at so-and-so house and I'm pretty damn sure I was roofied and I'm happy to take a toxicology screen. I'll take myself to the hospital and get a blood test. Most people just wake up and go. Well, I hope I didn't regret anything too much and they don't do anything about it. We all just chat about it with the girls and we're like that's really fucked up. But you know it's so rare and I do know that Gen Z is now a lot more vocal about inequalities and I do hope that that next generation is actually like you know what. I actually don't know if anything happened to me, but but I know for a day I'm sure I was probably drugged and that in itself is enough to complain about.

Marissa:

Let's start teaching our children better. If you're out at a fraternity party, sorority, whatever, and someone you're trying to get with is drinking all night, maybe it's not the best night to have sexual relations with this person. Like they're not really consenting I I just don't know how you can see that as consenting. It's really disgusting, like I had mentioned before, like brock turner, like what did he get? Like six months or something. Like it was a joke of probation, of probation. It was a joke.

Marissa:

I'm sorry, but like what he did was wrong, because wasn't this the case, if I remember correctly, where someone only caught him because he was like by a dumpster or something? Yes, which is even more horrific, because it's not like, oh, we were both drinking at a party. No, no, no, no, you had this girl by a dumpster, like the criminal that you are, and you were doing god knows what and someone had to catch you in the act. Like that's disturbing, that's criminal behavior, I'm sorry. And what's really crazy and this is gonna really ruffle some feathers is the difference here is, if this same scenario happened but it was a black african-american male, the sentence would have been way heavier, oh, definitely way heavier.

Bridget:

It's because he was a white guy who was on the swim team at swim team at stanford. So they were like, oh well, we don't want to ruin his whole future. Yeah Well, how about the future that he ruined? And how many other women he's taken advantage of? How many women are now were failing because they were living with this trauma? How many women needed to get treatment for sexually transmitted infections? How many women now had to ignore coursework to seek therapy because they were struggling to deal with what happened to them? Their futures are also I'm not going to say ruined, because I hope that they carry on with their lives and they're absolute badasses and they crush it, but their futures are changed about literally last episode our professions.

Marissa:

We see trends, violence escalates. So now all you taught him is wow, he got off the hook. You don't think this violence is going to escalate later in life? He's already showed you his true colors. He's perfectly capable of that, and probably more. This is going to escalate.

Bridget:

I'm sorry, just a matter of time and it all starts with these like in middle school, honestly, with like inappropriate jokes, just comments that are incredibly sexist, a little bit of maybe playful violence here and there. None of this should be accepted. And, women, we need to start speaking up earlier, like when you're that loud mouth elementary school girl and you still have all your confidence if a boy says something that's fucked up. We need to start being like no, you can't say that, I'm sorry, it doesn't matter that it's a joke, and I think, maybe not that it should be up to us, honestly, it should be up to the parents and the boys themselves to be changing for the better. But if we call it out as we see it, then we won't just be continuing on the same like treadmill of like well, you know, that's college.

Marissa:

Like I guess I drank too much since this kind of fits into what we're we're discussing. Do you remember bridget in like um 2014, 2015? The female from columbia university that carried the mattress, like like through college campus because they did nothing about her rapist?

Marissa:

yeah, yeah so I pulled up her name. I can't barely pronounce it it's emma sokolowitz. Okay, columbia university. She reported the alleged um sexual violence. They did nothing about it, so she carried her mattress around until graduation. She called it carry the weight. I find it it's so, I don't know. It just shows you like awful things can happen to people every day, especially women. And then women will just kind of come out and like rock that shit, like oh, you're not going to do anything about it.

Marissa:

I'm going to carry a mattress every day around campus and make a whole performance out of it until you acknowledge that this alleged sexual violent act happened, and I just find it ridiculous that they were like nope.

Bridget:

So colleges launch internal investigations because they want to brush it under the rug, because they don't want to inflate their crime stats, because no sane parent especially especially for schools like Columbia, nyu et cetera, expensive schools where, like fairly wealthy kids are going, so their parents are paying out of pocket they don't want those parents to go. Oh, no, no, no, no, there's too much crime there. It's in New York, I knew this would happen, um, and not send their child there. So instead they purposefully brush under the rug a of crimes and they say they launched their own internal investigation.

Bridget:

Now I went to fordham and I don't know if this is true anymore, but fordham had one of the highest rates of sexual assaults reported and everyone was like, yeah. So everyone was like oh, you know, fordham is like just a rapey school. The truth is it's because our security guards were ex NYPD and if you reported it, they did a police report. So it was an accurate report, whereas other schools do quote, unquote internal investigations where they nothing comes of it. There is no police report. So Fordham, it sounded like, oh my God, they have such high like sexual violence. But the truth was we were probably just average for college, but we actually reported it and we're like you know what? This is the truth, this is the amount that's reported. These are the police reports that we've done and you know we're doing something about it.

Marissa:

Yeah, and honestly, also that and also where you guys are located, it makes sense that those, like you said, they're probably average numbers. The rest of the colleges are just lying. You know Exactly, which is sad. It really is sad because people have the right to know real stats, because they're sending their pride and joy their children and it's it's. I would say, like I would like to know that I have a daughter, I have a son. I want to know the truth, like where am I sending my kids? How safe is?

Bridget:

it and instead of putting up this facade of safety me like, oh no, it doesn't happen here, I'd rather you report the truth and then show me what you've done to reduce it and show me actual quantifiable change that I'm like oh wow, they actually take their students reports seriously.

Marissa:

So I agree with you. I think the problem is, too, not just because they want to look good, but they're depending on who is the perp Like. Like you said, what can he bring to the school? Like, is this person on a sports team? Was their parents very wealthy and donated a lot of money? Are they a legacy there? Like, has everyone in their family gone there? So these all play into these the factors of what's going to happen to the perpetrator, which is also really sad. Again, I have, I'm speculating here. I have no proof. I'm not like behind the scenes of these colleges, but to me, especially when, when I heard of like the whole Brock Turner thing, like that's the vibe it gave me. It's like because he was of importance to that college, so like your trauma didn't matter.

Bridget:

Also, I really don't like this narrative that it's a he said, she said Because women, can we just like put the kibosh on that? Because, like no sane woman of sound body and mind would put them or no sane person I'll say person would put themselves through the horrific nature of a rape kit questioning, possibly having to go to court and knowing that your your image is also completely tarnished now, even though you're the survivor. No sane person would put themselves through that. To what ruin one guy's image? Like it's so offensive that people think that women's brains work like that. Like we're so petty and so bitter that I'm willing to like ruin this one boy's reputation no, because I'm ruining my reputation in in the mix of this as well.

Bridget:

So can we just please like stop that whole narrative that like oh, she's doing it to get back at him. Like no, no, no, no. Like anyone with a functioning brain who is coming forward as a witness or a survivor is doing so because they want to see some change and they want that person to be held accountable for their actions. I just that whole ah it like brings me back to like brett kavanaugh, like flashbacks of them being like, oh, she's just doing it because he's being appointed to the supreme court and she wants to like tear down a powerful man like?

Bridget:

No, she's a powerful woman. She herself is a successful woman, married family, like, has it all, and I think she's a doctor. And you know, like why would she risk her own career and her own image at the age of like 45? Why would she do that? Obviously she had a true story that she felt she needed to tell and it's just like so insulting that, like anytime a woman tries to speak up and do the right thing, we're told oh well, you're just doing it to tarnish this powerful man I think to what we're seeing, because I remember exactly where I was on the day that like the me too movement was really um, picking up full force and like it felt like every day.

Marissa:

It was like, oh my god, this person did this, that like everyone keeps reporting. And I I remember talking to the coworker that I was working with at the time and she was like, can you believe these stories keep coming out Like a good for these women. But it's crazy that for years this was not talked about. It was in the dark. These people were actively living their lives, getting away with it, and the victims were suffering in silence. And I remember saying to her big enough, which is also sad because it would be, I feel like opposite if it was heavily male victims. So it's just, I'm so happy that women finally feel like in today's world that we can be vocal and loud about it, but it's sad that it showed us how evil the world truly is because there's so many it showed us how little they value our voices, because you needed literally hundreds to come forward for them to finally go.

Bridget:

Well, I guess you can't deny it.

Marissa:

Yeah, I know, good Lord, or even I was watching. I remember too the day we watched the case. What is it? Dr Nassar or whatever? Who was the guy? Who was the gymnast? No, oh not that.

Bridget:

Yes, dr Larry Nassar, the USA gymnastics coach, not coach trainer.

Marissa:

And I. So I watched that because I as a therapist, I was like intrigued, cause I wanted to see, like how the victims with their statements, interacted and how his whole um, persona versus body language was in the trial and I thought it was crazy that he was able to just get away with it for so long, because these girls were like I mean, I thought it was part of the checkup. You know, every he's he, everyone loves him. So what was I going to do? And I think someone did report it, but did it like the university, I'm not sure, somewhere, but the university was like oh no, he's one of our beloved and they pretty much brushed it under the rug, even though one of the victims did report it before.

Marissa:

Everything kind of came open to the world and watching the victim statements, they were in tears. They were so uncomfortable. They did it because they knew they had to and they were like you know what? This is my chance to tell him how I really feel and let the world see what he did to me internally and mentally. There was just the statements were sad. I was getting tears watching these girls and they were, some of them were so young it was.

Bridget:

And the one who did come forward. Originally I think they called her like athlete X or something. She lost her spot. She was definitely like Olympics bound and she was purposefully snubbed a spot on the Olympic team. And you know, with the Olympics, because they're every four years and especially with gymnastics, like you age out of gymnastics very quickly. Um, so that was it. That was her one shot at the olympics and she risked it all just to speak up. And then it took years, after she spoke up, to actually, you know, see some change and for him to go to trial and and no wonder why these girls wouldn't want to report it.

Marissa:

All you did was show them oh, you want to talk back. You're. You're out of here. Your shot of your dream is gone yeah it's sad.

Bridget:

This is why, and like it's, it's so annoying that it's true, but this is why you need male allies. So, when me too is happening I don't know if you remember this mercer, terry cruz, love him he came forward and like released a whole written statement where he basically was like hat in hand, like letting it just all be on the table, because some of the things he said were like not great, to admit, but he did say I used to live in a world where I thought men were the main, the stars, and women were co-stars. Um, they were, you know, beeline character, plot, whatever. Um, and he said, and it took until I was at a party and he was molested by some bigwig in hollywood.

Bridget:

Um, it took until that moment for him to realize what women go through.

Bridget:

And he was like this was just me tonight at this one party and I'm, you know, like in my 30s or 40s and it's never, never happened to me before, and he's, I don't know, like 300 pounds of muscle, like Terry Crews is absolutely stacked and someone had the audacity to molest him. He was like what do women go through who are smaller, shorter, you know, on average, just smaller than men, and how many years have they put up with it, and that totally changed his mindset about how he views men and women in society, especially in show business. But it took until that moment for a lot of Me Too for, like male allies to kick off and speak up, which is annoying, obviously, that like a man had to say something for then other men to be like. Oh yeah, that is a problem. But that is why male voices are really important. Like you have to be allies solely because your voice for some reason has more weight to it, and it still does. It's 2024. And that's just the truth.

Marissa:

It's sad, but you're right, it is the truth. And I mean it's a good thing he did speak up, because maybe that is kind of what took the Me Too movement to different heights and really sit down and listen to everyone.

Bridget:

Yeah, and the same thing happened with Bill Cosby. I watched that special. I watched Hannibal Love him. I remember that special just premiered on Netflix. I watched it like as it premiered and he made that.

Bridget:

So the Bill Cosby thing was a well-known secret Like everyone in comedy knew. Yet no one said a damn thing. No male comics, no matter how famous and far reaching their power was, none of them had the balls to say anything. Hannibal got up there on stage and was like, made a joke just and he goes. You know, that's true, right, and everyone kind of like had an awkward laugh in the crowd. A week later it was all over the news and it was his joke.

Bridget:

And I am so happy because at that time Hannibal, although successful, like he had his stints here and there he was not like some really influential comic, like it could have totally torpedoed his career, but he like you know what, I'm gonna make the joke and I'm gonna put it, put it out there. So now it's not just a known secret in comedy, it's gonna be known to everyone because I'm putting it on netflix. And I was like, yes, thank you for saying that like because it was just undeniable. Then people had to investigate it. I mean, it was so awkward. And then boom, week later, week later, all over the news and then within that year he was going to trial.

Marissa:

It's crazy to me that, but again it shows you, like, how many generations of women just suffered in silence because why? Cause he was famous, cause he had power, cause he was a man, or were they worried what he could do to their careers and lives? It's insane, because that's not justice, that's crazy.

Bridget:

Yeah, unfortunately, when there's that power dynamic, you know, you're less likely to speak up because you think, well, this is going to ruin my reputation or my career as well, whereas if it's that more rare instance of like a stranger, you're more likely to be like, hey, that's not right, um, but that's not the case. As we know, sexual violence usually happens between someone you know, uh, and unfortunately people aren't willing to put their butt on the line to speak up. I agree.

Marissa:

I mean I, through the years, whether it was in my own private practice or even back God when I was an intern, interning I mean this field has taught me that the world is a very scary ugly place for sure I know. Normally each session I give you little tidbits of like, maybe a certain example of a client I might work with and tell you how I work through it. But this is such a sensitive topic that I'd say I'm not going to give any tidbits on what clients may or may have not told me. But I will tell you I have worked with victims and even in the incest realm of rape, rape and it's what they report is awful, it's, it's actually the heaviest.

Marissa:

Sessions I always say are like stuff like that and like obviously traumatic grief and losses, because that session is is so hard and sometimes it's uncomfortable for me internally and I have to work through my own internal issues. To just be like I need to sit, I need to be present, like they're opening up there. You know it's usually a lot of tears and hard conversations. So I'll just say being a therapist has taught you that the world is. It can be an ugly place, sometimes even in your own families, and that's it's scary.

Bridget:

Yeah, sometimes even in your own families, and that's, it's scary, yeah. Um, just from like my own personal experience, I have actually been like in a situation with a friend where we were reporting like a man in power, um, and we had like a meeting with HR and everything and we really like went back and forth before we reported it, because he's married with two young children, um, and we were like, you know, because you're not just, you're not just unearthing it for him to be get in trouble like you're ultimately like possibly flipping his life upside down, but that hurts his wife as well and children and his wife and children.

Marissa:

I know, I know, but you just think like his wife and children.

Bridget:

I know, I know, but you just think like his wife and children don't deserve that upending of their life. And we really did go back and forth and then ultimately it was like we have to say something because otherwise there's just going to be more people that he, you know, affects. And so we did say something, had this big meeting with HR and we left kind of just like, not really reassured at all, like there was nothing official really being done. They were just like, oh well, um, we, we could break his contract with our hospital, but like you know, he doesn't, he's for like a contract doctor, like he has contracts all throughout the city, so like, and it was just so like we did all that for maybe nothing, I don't know. It's just really really frustrating Because it feels like you go through this whole bureaucracy and at the end of the day, the result is always kind of like yeah, we'll look into it.

Marissa:

It is frustrating because I don't know why they're acting like it's not a crime.

Bridget:

It is a crime, especially if if this guy has done it multiple times you're saying that you know, yeah, and we did our research, we asked, uh, women from years before us and women within our class, and we got, like written statements from people who are comfortable enough to share that's upsetting to hear.

Marissa:

to be honest, um, I'm not surprised. I don't know. I'll ask a question you can decline to answer, because I know you know your job might be on the line, but is this something that happened in the UK?

Bridget:

No, no, this was in med school. Oh, okay, okay.

Marissa:

Allegedly. Let's put that in there. Disclaimer Can't sue us.

Bridget:

Allegedly. I just want to clarify that I was not like a victim of sexual violence, but I knew about what was going on and so I was the person who was like I had nothing to lose. So I was like if anyone feels comfortable enough to share their name, you absolutely can. But like we're taking this to HR, I've had enough of this well, I'm glad you did that.

Marissa:

I'm sorry that it was really like they didn't do much. It sounds like they're, as usual, brushing things under the rug exactly.

Bridget:

So, like I don't even know what came of it, I just know that when we asked the grade below us, I think they said like, oh yeah, we don't go to his clinics anymore.

Marissa:

I mean, I think that's that screams like guilty. He's guilty they're uncomfortable.

Marissa:

Clearly you wouldn't, you wouldn't make that decision if you didn't fear him in some way and his behavior. That's. That's a shame. It's you know, it's. It's definitely common and, like Bridget said early in the episode, whether it's someone you know family, friends, or someone you've just kind of contact with at work a co-worker, acquaintance it happens more often than not, as sad as it is, and it's also very common that it gets brushed under the rug, to be honest yeah, and it's all these little things as well, all these little microaggressions that we forget about because, honestly, like as women, we're so used to dealing with it.

Bridget:

We're just like, eh, whatever. But like if you actually sat down and like debriefed yourself after those little microaggressions happen and you told your friend, your friend would be like that's fucked up it absolutely is.

Marissa:

But you're right, we are kind of the way we grew up, at least now, like you said, hopefully the newer generations are learning from our mistakes and being louder with their voices. But it was. It's just something that you were like. I mean. Well, you know, like it happens also makes me like like how many times where people in the news were portrayed as like homewreckers, for instance, like monica lewinsky, right?

Marissa:

was she a homewrecker or did he pressure her? And of course, her job was on the line the best job in the us, apparently. So she's not gonna, not because she wants to work in the white house yeah, that was a complete power struggle, power dynamic.

Bridget:

I think she was 27 or 26. She was very young. He is in his mid-40s, married. He's the one who has a marriage commitment. He's the one who's a father. He's the one who's in power. He's the president.

Marissa:

She was absolutely not a homewrecker, same thing with Anita Hill, I know, but they made their jokes. They made their skits and jokes on tv, acting like she was some kind of harlot who was younger and prettier, and you know that's why she was able to take, uh, hillary clinton's man like of course she's spending all this time the way she was dressing and it's like, even if she were to wear the sluttiest thing you could think of, or even be naked, like there is no excuse for his behavior. I'm sorry.

Bridget:

Exactly At the end of the day. He's the one who's married, he's the one who has a commitment.

Marissa:

He's the president of our country at the time. I mean, like you're supposed to represent us, like that's just, it was so awful.

Bridget:

And then, all these years later, hillary is still somehow blamed for that. The woman who couldn't keep hold of her husband.

Marissa:

Isn't that funny? Like they, they really won't really properly by law punish someone, but they'll go out of their way to be like, okay, so we destroyed the home record, now let's focus on the wife. Like, maybe if you opened your legs more or stuck trying to run for presidency yourself and and pleased your husband, he wouldn't feel the need to step out. Like excuse me, do you see how there's so many things wrong with that statement?

Bridget:

like I know, we will literally blame any like a fly in that room instead of the person who actually perpetrated.

Marissa:

We just like cannot look at the man straight in the face and go oh wait, no, he did it and even if he hadn't, wasn't married and he was, just like you know, a sing president, I feel like they would have been like oh, it's so hard to be president to stress he really needed sexual release. Come on, can you blame him? It's like what Do the rest Do? Release like the rest of us. Use your coping skills, go to the gym, go on a walk Like, hang out with friends. You don't coerce someone to give you a blow job in the Oval Office.

Bridget:

I'm sorry. Seek out meaningful relationships outside of work.

Marissa:

Right, right, god, it cracks me up. Yeah, now that we're really diving into this. Yeah, I'm just really annoyed that, like there is, there's always someone else getting the blame Stop shifting the blame Right.

Bridget:

Shall we get into Louisiana? Absolutely All right, let's talk Louisiana people. All right, here's what's happening. So NPR reported one week ago that Louisiana is the first state to allow surgical castration as a punishment for sex crimes against minors. This law goes into effect August 1st. Surgical castration is a permanent procedure involving surgical removal of testicles or ovaries. Now I do want to say that chemical castration with medication has already been in the law books of quite a few states for a while now. It's just very rarely used. That's why we never hear about it.

Bridget:

The guilty party can refuse castration and instead opt to be imprisoned for an additional three to five years without the possibility of parole or early release, and this law cannot be applied to anyone under 17 years old who is found guilty of sex crimes. So anyone can say no, I don't want that, and go to jail for longer if they want, and minors are exempt from this. So the inspiration for this law was a Democratic lawmaker in Louisiana was reading the news about a 51-year-old man who raped a five-year-old, went to jail, went to jail, was paroled, got out and raped a 12-year year old. And so anyone who says this is cruel and unusual, she says. I think raping a five year old is cruel and unusual, Absolutely so. That is a new law in Louisiana. Now, is it draconian? Has it gone too far? Is it government overreach? There is that loophole that you know you can say no and go to prison for longer. So we I really want to know what you guys think about this.

Marissa:

My opinion is because there is the loophole of declining it and getting a longer sentence without parole. I don't think it's going too far. Also, they obviously exclude 17 and younger. So I don't think it's going too far Cause, like you said, like a 50 year old raped, a five-year-old did his time but got out and did it to a 12 year old, no, he should be castrated. I said I mean again, maybe controversial and some men will attack us after listening to this podcast, but again they don't. They could choose no and just have a longer sentence. Also, men like that, like the example you just gave us, should absolutely be castrated.

Bridget:

Why are you don't deserve your penis, get out of here. So the it's case by case. And so let's say the jury finds you guilty, it's up to the judge to then use, you know, their power and their general judicial powers, their balanced brain hopefully it's balanced to then say this person is suitable for a um like punishment with castration or not. So it's not like everyone who sexually assaults a minor automatically gets it. It's only reserved for special cases which you assume would be like especially heinous.

Marissa:

Yeah, absolutely like I can't off the top of my head. I can't remember the name, but recently in the news, um, this mom had a new boyfriend I think it was like a nine month old daughter and she left the room to go do laundry or whatever and he raped her and then left her lifeless body and she died in the like in the nursery. I'm sorry. Someone like that should be shot dead on the spot. Also, castration is pretty nice because you still get to live your life even though you're dickless, like the loser you you are. Because if I was that mother, I would kill you. You wouldn't survive. Dick or no dick, I would shoot you in the head On the spot immediately. Absolutely. Won't you dare touch my child.

Marissa:

These are the type of the horrific things. It's like you don't deserve a penis. I'm sorry, you're not even human at that point. You're, you're a, you're an animal, you're a monster. I would like to clarify that castration just means your testicles are removed, not your penis. I've well, I think all should be removed. I'm even angrier now. What's removing the balls gonna do? Just make sure they can't get you pregnant.

Bridget:

Still, they have the tool to still rape so the idea is that it's like when you neuter a dog, you because your your testicles and hold your testosterone and produce testosterone. Same thing for um women with their ovaries. Ovaries produce estrogen. So if you remove the hormone producing entities, it will curb your. You, let's say unholy desires is the thought I have.

Marissa:

I have problems with this. Honestly. I think it all should be chop, chop, chopping, block, and then they're forced to sit there and watch me as I put it in a meat grinder.

Bridget:

It is a really interesting thing that Louisiana has done and I don't know if we're going to see other states follow suit or I don't know we're going to see other states follow suit or I don't know. I'm not sure what's going to happen, but it goes into effect August 1st, so I'm very curious to see if anyone actually is sentenced to surgical castration. I, like I said, I think it would be especially heinous crimes only after much deliberation. But I'm curious. I guess we'll find out.

Marissa:

Oh you see, good God made me a therapist for a reason, cause if I was a judge, all men gone, penis is gone. I mean, if you come to my courtroom for a case of rape, you're gone. No more penis, no more life, no more penis. And if you do have to live, you're eating the rest of your life, eating the grinded up meat from your PP as hamburgers for dinner every night. That you're getting all right mercy.

Marissa:

You are cruel and you definitely cannot be a judge because it's just the stories that I see are and obviously, like I said earlier, the people that come to my office and I'm talking kids, too young children. It's disgusting, they should not be allowed to walk free ever again. And they're lucky that people are even leaving them alive in jail. Because I would you know, because ridiculous.

Bridget:

No, so an argument to the law was why not? I think someone said like oh, why not more extreme things like death penalty, whatever? But that is just like a fate. That's too nice.

Marissa:

Um, I guess, yeah me. As long as they stay in prison for life, like if they're getting back out, then no, I would have preferred the death penalty yeah, like whenever someone asks me my thoughts on um capital punishment, I honestly just think it's like a fate too, too kind.

Bridget:

The worst is to live your life in rotten jail oh yeah, no for sure, but that doesn't always happen.

Marissa:

as you mentioned, ber, the fifth year old got out, so that's unfair.

Bridget:

They clearly didn't learn they didn't give a shit. Our parole system is a joke and needs to be completely redone, but that's topic for another day. So we're going to go into that. Tough love with GerBear Marissa is going to read the answer.

Marissa:

Oh wait, no, you don't have it, do you have it? No, I'm the question girl. You're the interpreter, jerry interpreter. Here we go. Yes, all right, I know we're getting our SHIT together, don't you worry. Okay, so answer for this week regarding the new Louisiana law Okay, Geri said Bridget, Geri Whisperer, right.

Bridget:

So basically, yeah, we just asked her her opinion because I knew Geri would have a great reaction. But she said my gut reaction is great. But when you think about it for a moment, many things come to mind. Like what if it wasn't him? There's no reversal. How does this help? His mind is still wandering in the gutter and probably still a danger to children, which is what you said, marissa. It's probably still a danger, he said. My mind can go on and on. How much is this going to cost the taxpayers for abysmal failure? Good question Therapy isn't successful either. I get they are supposed to volunteer, but I foresee immense pressure.

Bridget:

Most young victims know their perpetrator, family or friends. No punishment is good enough for this type of harm. True, lock them up and let them be incarcerated. Oh, let the incarcerated take over. That's enough. Torture for life. Get a dose of his own torture. So okay, Geri is alluding to the fact that if you are, if you have domestic violence, violence against women and violence against children, you are like the lowest of the low in prison and everybody knows it, and you will be raped in prison. It's so interesting how like they work out that hierarchy in prison because you think like a lot of these people just have no regard for structure, but they do. And if you commit crimes against women, especially older women, because they think of their moms and violence against children, you will be fucking raped in prison. Yeah, Geri's solution is to lock them up and let the incarcerated take over I like the way.

Marissa:

Sometimes I'm like, yep, there she is, there's our Ger bear good for you, that is a good answer oh god, um.

Bridget:

So that's our first answer for tough love by Gerbear now, as we promised, the ones we messed up last week.

Marissa:

Here we go. So last week as you, if any of you did not tune in or forget it was more about abusive relationships and domestic violence. So the first question we asked her was how do you feel about people stuck in abusive relationships?

Bridget:

So she says it's a tough topic. For me, no matter the answers, you sound insensitive and intolerable. It is a cycle they grow up in and are perpetuate. Oh, is it a cycle they grow up in and are perpetuate? Oh, is it a cycle they grow up in and are perpetuating? Did they have self-esteem growing up or someone pushing them? I don't know, because I feel for them, but I would never stick around, for that Seems unfair. You want to judge, but you can't without all the details. It's a case by case analysis for me. I don't hang with people who have these issues. All my friends have strong personalities like me. Birds of a feather.

Marissa:

Strong personality indeed. Then we said we asked her well, is there any advice or tips you'd give these people?

Bridget:

Get the F out, okay, there are places that can help. If you do get out, don't be repeat and go back, like the statistics say, three or four times. To be successful, do it for your kids, if you have any Kids. First priority Once is too many times. Join a group online. See a therapist. I know a good one. Believe in yourself first. All cliches, I know, but always some truth in them.

Marissa:

Latch on to one of them all cliches, I know, but always some truth in them. Latch on to one of them. I know you said join a group online, but the way you said it I thought you said group on. I'm like, oh, there's a group on for that when? Join a group online? You got our listeners being like domestic violence group on. Where's that, oh man? So next question Did you ever know somebody you asked to leave a relationship because you felt they were being taken advantage of physically or mentally?

Bridget:

Oh, I don't recall knowing someone in an abusive relationship my nieces with their parents, I guess. I always tried to be the best aunt but my sister always turned them against us. She limited their time with us. We go to grandma's and she would leave. She would come earlier than us, always to have an exit plan. Grandparents just kept them longer and as much as possible, thinking that would help. I pick you up from daycare and they would beg me to take to take them. But she wouldn't put me on the list. You know those pickup lists. I wouldn't put me on the list. You know those pickup lists. Um, I'd say a cousin.

Bridget:

We tried to talk her into leaving him before and after marriage but she was wearing rose-colored glasses. Then she stayed for the kids and still stays for I tried everything, live with us etc. Then she moved too far for me to see it out of sight, out of mind. I see the domestic violence through my work. Often the elderly were either always abusive or in some cases they became abusive as they got older and couldn't tolerate the health issues and being a full, et cetera. She said he didn't deserve it, was glad he died first for some peace in her life. Her children begged her to leave him, but when they aged out and left, he was all she had left and couldn't do it.

Marissa:

Wow, that is very I see that too as well Very, very common. And you're, and she's right, it is mostly men because we are more caretakers by nature. So, yes, if the women, god forbid, gets sick first or has Alzheimer's because they've never had to have responsibilities, like learn how to cook and I'm talking like these older generations because obviously they're the older ones now they can't handle it. They're like they don't know how to keep a house and take and this is an adult too, it's not like a baby. So like, say, if you have to change a diaper, cause you know their incontinence, whatever, it's hard to.

Marissa:

They're old too, so it's even hard for me in my thirties Now let's think of like 70 plus trying to roll another person over and change an adult diaper often, cause you know people go to the bathroom all the times throughout the day. It's frustrating, but, yes, women would just suck it up, right, because we always have for centuries. But men, yeah, I could see why they perpetrate the violence. They can't handle that responsibility, and she's right, they probably feel like they're being cheated out of life.

Bridget:

Also we do need to address that. As you age, let's say, you develop dementia, alzheimer's. That affects your mental health and you develop what we call like geriatric depression, and so you can't be blamed for that. It is true, like depression associated with Alzheimer's, you don't become yourself. You become a very dark version of who you once were, and that can cause violence as well. So we're not speaking about people like that, because that is like they're not of their right sound mind, but we were talking about specifically people who become resentful of their lifelong partner because they don't want to feel like nailed down to to the house, because they have to take care of someone, and that's really sad because there are resources out there. They can hire help, they can apply for help through um, medicare, also through their insurance. They can obviously ask children or relatives to help in the area, but instead they don't. They stew in their unhappiness and they take it out on their partner, and it's really fucked up I agree, I agree.

Marissa:

So those were both episodes questions from tough love with Gerbear. We hope you enjoyed her answers. As always, she's straightforward and to the point and you know you're not always gonna like her. Both episodes questions from Tough Love with Gerbear. We hope you enjoyed her answers.

Bridget:

As always, she's straightforward and to the point, and you know you're not always going to like her answers, but that's too bad.

Marissa:

But I thought her answers were very. That's Geri, that's Geri. But I thought her answers were very, even though to the point, well thought out and truthful. You know, honestly, and I can relate to that?

Bridget:

Yeah, no, I agree with them. Yeah, I think she had some truth there. One of these days, we are gonna get her on to speak to you guys directly, because I know she's dying too.

Marissa:

I feel like we should wait, though, till that when we're doing video, because you got to see this woman in action, her body language alone I agree.

Bridget:

Actually part of the show is you know what? You watching her, how she speaks, how she gesticulates. My God, she's very active.

Marissa:

Oh, absolutely she's. She's something we love you. So that's this episode. It was a little bit lengthier, but we had a lot to go over, plus tough love with GerBear times two. So we hope you all enjoyed this episode. Please like subscribe to our YouTube channel at Psychotic PY Podcast. As always, we thank you guys for listening. We value you guys so much and take care.

Bridget:

Please let us know what you think of the Louisiana law. I want some answers from you people, I want opinions and we will talk about them on our next episode. Also, personal note, I am turning 30 this week. Party party On July 14th, so the day after this podcast will air I will be turning 30. Can I just say I actually forgot until last night because I thought it was like early June still correction two days after the podcast airs, it's a. Sunday oh, my birthday is oh god, pregnancy brain I'm all confused, my bad, yeah, sorry.

Bridget:

Two days after, uh, I can't believe it. I'm so shocked. I was like, wait what my birthday is in a week.

Marissa:

I'm excited. Welcome to the 30. Best years ever so far. Okay, we'll see For those of you who don't know, since there's no video she just gave me the nastiest look Like. If she could Caesar Beam me. She just did.

Bridget:

I feel really not ready yet.

Marissa:

I don't know, but you have the things that most people like before 30. You got the man, the house, the house, the baby, a great career a podcaster.

Bridget:

look at this, it's not so much the milestones, because I'm not one of those people that's like comparing myself to others.

Marissa:

It's just the fact that you, you really don't think you're gonna like grow up, and then, all of a sudden, you do welcome to my life bitch Texas, I keep watching you and all the cousins have fun at Thanksgiving and I'm like I want to go back.

Bridget:

I know, okay, aside from hearing about your opinions about Louisiana, I also really want to hear your opinions on turning 30, because I know a lot of our like friends who listen to this podcast are my age or Merissa's age. So you've also gone through it, like I'm young for my grade. So most of my friends in my grade have already turned 30. So I just want to know, like, how, like what did you feel about turning 30? Why was 30 a big one? Like, why 30? Please, let me know. She's desperate. Please, for anything I'm desperate. So just tell me, like, why 30 felt bigger to you or what you did to deal with it. Or if you're one of those people it's like age is a number bitch, get over it. Just tell me.

Marissa:

I would love to read those. Like she said, we're gonna, we'll read them. It'll be a good time. Yeah, anyway, as always, thank you guys for listening. Thanks always thank you guys for listening. Thanks so much, bye, bye.